Forgot to mention: some of the Scottish dads were going on the other day about how Scottish macaroons “are da bomb!” and how they “beat all other macaroons hands down!” and how “Alex Salmond is a way better dancer than Hillary Rodham Clinton!” Obvs those are fighting words! No one disses my girl Hillary, yo!
Since I wasn’t going to let the lads have the final say without a fair fight, I decided to put their claim of Scottish macaroon superiority to the test. On Sunday, I stopped by my local Scottish Food Emporium—you know, the place where I buy all of my haggis—to see if they had any Scottish macaroons. But when I arrived at the store, there was a sign in the window that read, “Gone Out of Business Due to the World’s Collective Dislike of Haggis.” Sad face.
In a pinch, I decided to whip up a batch of Scottish macaroons myself. The recipe is remarkably simple:
- Peel, quarter, and boil two white potatoes until they are tender.
OK, let me stop right here for a second. Even though people use a fondant filling nowadays, the traditional filling for Scottish macaroons is mashed potatoes! Seriously, folks, I couldn’t make this stuff up! Now back to the recipe…
- When the potatoes are soft, drain the water and mash the potatoes, you know, like you were making mashed potatoes.
- Add about a cup of sugar icing to the mashed potatoes. Throw in a teaspoon or so of vanilla extract. Stir until smooth. (Truth be told, I didn’t use sugar icing. I used a Super-Special Secret Ingredient, which is way better than sugar icing.)
- Toss the potato mixture in the fridge to cool down.
- When the potato mixture is cool, roll it into a sausage.
- Cut the potato sausage into three-inch pieces.
- Melt and temper some chocolate in a double boiler. I used Scharffen Berger Extra Rich Milk Chocolate, but you can use dark or semi-sweet.
- Dip a piece of the potato sausage into the chocolate, coating all sides, then sprinkle with a mixture of shredded and toasted coconut.
- Voilà! Scottish macaroons!
I asked busy daddy to be the final judge and arbiter of macaroon/macaron supremacy. Busy daddy said, “There isn’t some kind of weird meat product in this, is there?” I said, It’s a creamy, delicious Scottish dessert. And busy daddy said, “You sure there isn’t intestines or anything like that in this?” I said, I didn’t make haggis, for Christ’s sake, just taste it.
The result? Busy daddy said the Scottish macaroon was “creamy,” “not at all like a potato,” and “surprisingly good.” To me, they taste kind of like a Mounds bar, except with the coconut on the outside. Would I trade my French meringue macaron for a Scottish macaroon? The answer would be, no. But I guess Scottish macaroons are awight.
EDIT: Rest assured Hazel Grey’s mum, the Scottish macaroon only looks like a crusty piece of poo, but it’s actually quite tasty!