Monthly Archives: August 2013

The good news: I spent the entire afternoon deep cleaning the kitchen and downstairs bathroom! The joint is so clean that you could eat off of the kitchen floor or off of the toilet!!!

The bad news: I spent the entire afternoon deep cleaning the kitchen and downstairs bathroom!

Plot twist: I’m serving dinner on the kitchen floor and dessert on the toilet.

The good news: the Busy-Lazy boys had yum Vietnamese eats for lunch.

The bad news: the boy spent the entire time telling us awful jokes.

Plot twist: the boy gets his sense of humor from me.

The good news: the boy’s favorite mode of locomotion is skipping, which is adorbz, obvs.

The bad news: chances are good that the boy will soon stop skipping because the patriarchy deems skipping uncool for boys.

Plot twist: fuck the patriarchy.

The good news: I’ve finally mastered the forearm handstand! Werk.

The bad news: I am still ambivalent about yoga.

Plot twist: I’ve been doing a lot of yoga lately.

The good news: my dog didn’t murder me in my sleep last night.

The bad news: the banana that I was saving to make my pre-workout smoothie looks pretty wrecked. Sad face.

Plot twist: I made an album cover to memorialize the banana instead.

Gosh, I’m gonna be late for my workout with Fake Chris!

In case there was ever any doubt as to who was the real George Michael at our high school Come As You Are, As You Were, As I Want You to Be Halloween Dance, all you need to do is go to YouTube and search for “Best George Michael Impersonation 5Evah” and you’ll come up with the totes awesome video of me from high school singing a perfect rendition of Everything She Wants.

Your move, Janet.

ifjanetranit:

When I recently posted a picture of me and Scott dressed up as Britney Spears and Kevin Federline I totally had a flashback to one of my favorite Halloweens from back in the day. My fake high school BFF Lazy Dad (back then we all called him Lazy Teen) and I dressed up as the amazing duo from Wham! And while this picture looks all kinds of wicked cool, we had some total Behind the Music bitchfest moments getting there.

Lazy Dad got his customized Choose Life sleeveless half shirt all in a knot over who was going to be George Michael, and I was all, like, duh, I think it’s pretty obvious. I already have the hairdo and know how to use Sun-In, my mom has several pairs of gold hoop earrings I can borrow, I have all the words to Wham Rap! memorized, my arms are way hairier, and I’m pretty sure I can grow a better five o’clock shadow.

But Lazy Dad wasn’t having it, so it came down to a rap battle that we held in the school Snack Shack during 2nd lunch. I won by a landslide, natch. Then Lazy Dad was all, “Gurrrl, where did you learn to rap like that?” And I was all, Dude, Fab Five Freddy and Grandmaster Flash are, like, my favorite rap artists that I only know through Blondie songs that I heard in grade school. So once it was settled that I was going to be George Michael, Lazy Dad embraced his inner-Andew Ridgeley, and it turned into the best, most awesome Halloween costume ever.

I may or may not have gotten a bit of a big head over this episode (I think they call it leadsingeritis), but Lazy Dad was very cool about the whole sitch, so the following year I let him be Daryl Hall to my John Oates.

Even though I clearly also had the hair to be Daryl.

OMFG. Here’s the thing you need to know about my high school BFF Janet. She’s sorta kind of a compulsive liar. I’m sorry, Janet! I don’t mean to call you out or nothin’, but I gotta set the record straight, yo! I mean, everyone knows that Janet has a well-documented addiction to RedBull, which she still buys by the case-full at Costco and stuff, so her memory ain’t so good anymore.

Here’s how I recall the sequence of events: it was our sophomore year, and Janet and I were eating Pizza Bites at the honor students’ lounge, trying to figure out what to dress up as for our school’s annual Come As You Are, As You Were, As I Want You to Be Halloween Dance. Janet had the brilliant idea that she should dress like Madonna and I should dress like Cyndi Lauper, and I was all, You just want to dress like Madonna because you already have lace gloves and stuff! And Janet was all, “Well, you already have the Rainbow Brite hair, yo!”

And I was all, We should totes dress like Wham! And Janet was all, “That’s an even better idea!” And I was all, I know, right!?!

The decision about who would be George Michael and who would be Andrew Ridgeley was obvious because clearly I was much better suited for the lead singer role, amirite!?!

I know Janet thinks the above pics prove that she was George Michael, but anything can be PhotoShopped!!! I have actual proof!!!