Monthly Archives: May 2012

Meet Curtis Knapp, the New Hope Baptist Church Pastor who preached that the government should kill homosexuals. His reasoning? According to eyewitness reports, Pastor Knapp was “upset” and “confused” when Sharon Needles was recently crowned America’s Next Drag Superstar.

Speaking to close friends and advisors, Pastor Knapp said, “Phi Phi O’Hara is the epitome of a beautiful, glamorous young lady, and she was robbed, I tell you! Clearly the professional homosexual community was not listening to the Word of God when they foolishly decided to vote for Sharon ‘Satanist’ Needles as the winner of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Ergo, the government should kill homosexuals. Or at least perform a recount. Or perform a Lipsync for Your Life! That shizz is hard!”

Pastor Knapp could not be reached for further comment, but his “personal butler” Shane told friends, “Pastor was bent way out of shape when Sharon won Drag Race. But I told him, ‘Girl, Phi Phi will have her day in the spotlight!’ But then girlfriend started talking about killing the gays and stuff. It’s like Pastor went cray-cray all because of RuPaul’s Drag Race! I told him it’s just a show!”

Shane continued, “After two Xanax and a facial, though, girlfriend calmed down a bit. And by facial, I mean a facial, if you know where I’m going with this! Ha! Is this thing on? Bueller?”

True story.

BTW, if I ever say anything stupid to you like, Hey, maybe I should grow my hair out again, you know, because old dudes can totally rock ponytails as well as anyone, please please please remind me that old dudes can’t. Sad face.

Just in case all foods containing sugar, fat, and salt (a.k.a. Things That Taste Good) are completely banned from all New York restaurants, I decided to order the fatty-est, sugary-est, saltiest double bacon cheeseburger with seasoned french fries and a regular Coke during my busy business lady lunch today. Because, you know, if Mayor Bloomberg had his way, busy business ladies in New York would be forced to eat only celery sticks and drink vodka martinis for lunch.

Ugh. The morning “news” had a segment about Mayor Bloomberg’s push to limit-slash-ban sugary sodas in restaurants and stores. Because adults can’t control themselves or control their children when it comes to how much soda they drink. 

Welcome to New York, the Ultimate Nanny State! 

Since the boy needs to hone his mad skating skillz before he can play hockey, he practiced on roller skates after dinner tonight. Maybe he should be doing roller derby, like that guy in Vermont, instead of hockey. Gosh, there were a lot of mosquitoes out tonight. Stupid stinkin’ mosquitoes.

My busy day in bullets:

  • Reading
  • Writing
  • Arithmetic
  • Other stuff.

Sometimes driving to work just isn’t worth it, especially when it’s wall-to-wall traffic coming home.

It’s wicked hot in the Northeast today. So the boy and I got our hurrs did. The boy wasn’t feeling it.

Sweet Treat Smackdown: French Macaron Versus Hand-Made Fudge

The funny thing about family vacations is that parents often have different (and sometimes conflicting) agendas from their kids. For our recent quik-e Berkshires getaway, busy daddy and I had two agenda items on our list: To Eat All the Food in Western Massachusetts and chillax, while the boy’s two agenda items were To Watch My Little Pony All Daylong and try fudge for the first time.

Luckily, there were enough distractions for all of us to enjoy together, so we didn’t end up eating every single edible thing in Massachusetts (although we tried), and the boy watched My Little Pony only for three out of the seven hours of our drive.

We found a cute candy shop in North Adams that sold handmade fudge and a coffee shop in Williamstown that sold handmade macarons. Since busy daddy has mandated a new “absolutely no eating in the new car” rule, we carted our sweet treats back home with us instead of noshing during our leisurely drive home.

Since it was a dessert night at the Designing-Business Chateau yesterday, I decided that we would use the opportunity to do a Sweet Treat Smackdown after our delicious Memorial Day dinner. On the macaron side were lemon, pistachio, and chocolate. On the fudge side were classic chocolate, penuchi (basically, brown sugar), maple with pecans, and vanilla with jellybeans.

The verdicts:

  • The boy’s favorites: Vanilla fudge with jellybeans, followed by the chocolate macaron
  • Busy daddy’s favorites: Maple fudge with pecans, followed by the pistachio macaron
  • Designing daddy’s favorite: Lemon macaron (which designing daddy said tasted lemony with a not-unpleasant hint of household cleaner)
  • Eddie K’s favorites: Penuchi fudge, closely followed by classic chocolate fudge
  • Miss Lily’s favorites: Vanilla fudge with jellybeans, followed by the lemon macaron
  • My favorite: Do I have to choose a favorite? Does All of Them count as a choice?

Meanwhile, I chased the boys around the driveway with a light saber and tried to snap pics of them. Apparently cameras are Kryptonite to the boys, but they couldn’t escape from my double-back, twisting Ninja flip. For an old dude, my mad gymnastics skillz have strangely remained largely intact.