I’m tickled when I see and read the various and sundry parenting controversies that flare up from time to time in the parenting Tumblrverse. Whether it’s about circumcision, co-sleeping, cloth diapering or attachment parenting, everyone has an opinion. What’s funny is that (some) people want to make sure that their opinions are heard (which is cool) at the expense of invalidating someone else’s opinion (which is not cool).

To me, there’s a lot of cultural imperialism at play. What’s socially acceptable in one culture may not be socially acceptable in another. And yet (some) parents like to out-shout each other about how and why their cultural imperative is the only legitimate one. 

It’s like gay marriage. If you don’t “believe” in gay marriage, then don’t get gay married, simple as that, easy peasy. Same goes for other myriad choices that parents make on behalf of our kids. Don’t like circumcision? Then don’t circumcise your daughter. I realize that there’s a lot of pressure to do so. I mean, if the predominant culture mandated that we circumcised our daughters, who’s to fight with that logic, amirite? After all, it’s just a tiny, meaningless flap of skin. So what, who cares?

Isn’t it more critically important that Susie’s hoo-hoo looks just like Mary’s hoo-hoo, so that she’s not traumatized and stuff as she’s growing up? Because we all know that we spend an inordinate amount of time publicly showing off our hoo-hoos to our friends, co-workers, and family members. Everyone knows that life is like a circuit party: after a few introductory questions—Top or bottom? PnP or sober?—the obvs next question is cut or uncut? It’s probably The Single Most Important Question a girl will be asked in her lifetime. True story.

I guess Alicia Silverstone likes to premasticate her son’s food before depositing the chewed up stuff in his mouth, like a bird. Apparently people are going apeshit over this. Because everyone has the right to judge how another parent chooses to raise his or her own child. Because everyone knows better than the person who “theoretically” knows his or her own child best.

Bottom line: Opinions are like assholes. Everyone has one, only some stink more than others. And as a point of clarification, I don’t think girls should be circumcised. But that’s just my own stinky opinion. Carry on.

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