For the record, I am not a huge Lady Gaga fan, despite the obvs demographic targeting. I like freakshows as much as the next guy and I admire her take on self-empowerment, but after hearing Lady Gaga in a few different interviews and watching her (awful) concert movie on HBO, I pretty much went from thinking that she was sort of interesting to thinking that she’s kind of a contrived hot mess. But more power to her.

Because of my generally meh attitude about her, imagine my surprise when Lady Gaga showed up in my dream last night. I was at a bar hanging out with Lady Gaga and her male alter-ego Jo Calderone. They were flirting with each other and I was thinking, It’s kind of weird that someone would be flirting with herself/himself, but whatevs. If Ann Carlisle could pull it off in Liquid Sky, then it could work in my dream, amirite?

Gaga and Jo were yammering on about something or other, and I felt totally uncomfortable because my fake mustache and Andy Warhol toupee were slipping, thanks to it being, like, 100 degrees in the bar. At one point Gaga and Jo said they wanted to leave, you know, to get busy, and Gaga asked me what I wanted to do. With my life. I said, I don’t know. I guess I could marry Phil and live my life as a redhead?

And then I woke up. A few lingering questions:

  • Why have Lady Gaga and Jo Calderone seeped into my subconscious?
  • I don’t think I would make an attractive redhead.
  • Who the heck is Phil?

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