All right, so it was freakshow night at the gym. Because I don’t really check my e-mail, I didn’t pay attention to this very important fact before going to the gym with busy daddy and the boy this evening, so I guess it’s my own fault.

Here’s just a small sampling of the freaks on parade at the gym tonight:

  • The lady with long acrylics nails and overly done hurr did who was on the treadmill next to me and talked on her Motorola StarTac phone the entire time she was walking at 2.1 speed. That’s basically standing still.
  • The portly old dude with the combover and too-tight tank top who worked on his calves for 30 minutes straight. Even America’s Mayor Rudy Giuliani knew when it was time to give up the ghost and lose the flap o’ hair.
  • The wafer thin yoga mom with the double D implants vigorously shaking her groove thang in the Zumba class that was populated with mostly 12-year-old girls and 50-year-old men. I’m not sure who she thought her audience was.
  • And then there was tonight’s biggest freakshow, pictured above: that would be me, working on squats, and being told that I need to stick my ass out as much as possible to make it count. Here’s a protip: some people just don’t have much ass to stick out and if I say my ass is stuck out as far as it can go, then the world just has to deal it.

Now, I’m going to eat some chocolate cake and cry quietly to myself.

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