People are always asking me how I maintain my girlish figure on a mostly ice cream and cake diet. By people, I mean no one. And by girlish figure, I mean the whippet-thin 32-inch waist on my a 4’11” frame*. Here’s my ancient Chinese secret: bulimia.
I’m kidding! I can barely vomit when I actually have to vomit. I can’t imagine making myself vomit on purpose. Here’s the trick: no gluten, consuming as few carbs as possible (and only eating “good” carbs), lots of vegetables, and mostly protein. Plus, at least half a pint of ice cream daily (preferably full-fat gelato) and at least three or four gluten-free cupcakes a week (ideally chocolate with frosting). Then, exercise like a maniac at least four times a week. Sleep at least 8 hours nightly. Stop drinking alcohol and/or smoking anything. And lastly, ignore all of the above and call your parents and thank them or blame them for whatever genetic legacy they have passed down to you.
* OK, I’m not really 4’11”, but it’s not as funny if I say 32-inch waist on a 5’6” frame, which let’s face it, is the same as a 42-inch waist on a normal-sized man, amirite or amirite?