For the record: I love Thanksgiving. It’s easily my favorite legit holiday. But I don’t like to “decorate” or do the stupid paper machier-slash-macaroni arts & crafts projects that sometimes come with Turkey Day. (N.B., I am not adverse to fauxhemian arts & crafts like quilting and such, but that’s another story). So when the boy came home with a project for school where I had to help him decorate a paper turkey, I really didn’t want to do it. It’s been sitting on my to-do list for the past week.

Since the project is due tomorrow, I guess I should just buckle down and do it. The instructions say, “Help this turkey make it safely past Thanksgiving this year by disguising him as part of your family. Turkeys that have made it through past years have been dressed like ballerinas, hula dancers, football players, Elvis, and many other family resemblances.”

First, WTF!?! What families look like ballerinas, hula dancers, football players or Elvis, for Christ sakes? The whole hetero-centric, yippee Americana, fake frivolity of it all makes me want to puke. Second, I don’t think the boy’s teacher would appreciate it if the boy brought a turkey dressed up like a queer businessman or a member of the Village People, so I have to think of an alternative concept that’s both family friendly and says something about us.

I asked the boy what he wanted to disguise his turkey as, and the boy said, “I don’t know. Whatevs.” I said, I couldn’t be more proud to be your dad than at this very moment.

We’ll probably make a Clone Trooper or Ninjago Kai turkey. Wish us luck.

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