I know everyone is going apeshit over Siri. And by everyone, I mean only those people who speak in the well-annunciated dulcet tones of a flat Midwestern accent that’s recognizable by Siri. If you’re a mumbler like me, forget about it. Because even though I speak with a flat Midwestern accent, Siri talks back to me as if I’m speaking Chinese. Which leads me to conclude that Siri is sort of a racist. Or maybe a little bit of a homophobe. And maybe just a little bit retarded. And kind of a bitch.