I used to think the people who went on diets for a limited amount of time (like to get ready for a wedding or to fit into a pair of jeans or some other equally nonsense reason) were lame because they should just eat less and stuff, like, for the rest of their lives. Now that I’m on a diet, I’ve become totally lame. The guy in the office next to me was eating a piece of chocolate cake and I pretty much stared at that piece of cake during our entire conversation. I don’t even know what he said. The whole time I was thinking, I’m never going to eat another piece of cake again. Never. Like, for the rest of my life. A small part of me died today at that realization. Now I’m stuck in my office trying to catch up on work I should have been doing instead of staring at cake.

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